ベルリンから人生敗者復活戦。

ワーキングホリデーの失敗談を綴る。その失敗の過程と、失敗から出直す、敗者復活戦の過程も勝手に配信する。

To whom, the one who has a Japanese girlfriend, who is wondering why she is reluctant to start taking Pills.

To whom, the one who has a Japanese girlfriend,

who is wondering why she is reluctant to start taking Pills.

First of all, thank you for taking time to consider on this topic and reading this article.

I am also a Japanese woman, who has german boyfriend.

After few deep conversation with him, i have decided to start taking Pills as one of our birth control.  Through my experience, I would like to explain you the situation in Japan and also how general Japanese woman feel toward taking Pills.

 

Contents

 

 One fundamental question

Ok, before getting into the topic, please let me ask you a question. 

Are you asking her to start taking Pills just because you don’t want to use condom during having Sex? If so, please be so kind and break up with her. She is more than that. Please leave her alone.

I'm totally agree with the opinion that having birth control is women and men’s both sided decision.  It is mutual topic and both woman and man should make effort and be aware of what they are doing.  Therefore, i have nothing against promoting woman to take Pills for both control.  But i would never let her do that, just because her boyfriend told her to do so.

Woman body is not an object, as you already know.  Without condom just for a little bit more pleasure?  It doesn’t worth it if you end up losing her trust day by day.

 

Japanese cultural background 

Now, let me explain you what Japanese situation is, and how most of the women feel toward taking Pills. 

Our society is very conservative and we are called as “Society of Shame” We tend to restrict ourselves, not because of “God is watching us” but “How people around me would think?” 

We don’t feel so much guilt but feel more shame, when we have done something not acceptable in the society. Japanese society is still very closed and discussion over something related sex is still difficult to bring it up, especially for women.

It is sad, but i feel that Japanese society is still antifeminism. We still have very typical ideal for woman, how they should behave and talk, or even think. In such society, woman who is taking Pill is still not majority and some people has wrong perspective toward those girls as well.

 

Birth control in Japan: how many girls take Pills?

Have you ever researched on how may women actually take Pills in Japan? Actually it is said only 2%. Japan has been the one of the top developed country, and economically strong.  However our system for birth control is still old school.

Birth control in Japan means almost always wearing a condom. And it is always men, who takes care of this part.  If she is dating with the guy who always wear condom, this means she is dating with someone really honest and he cares her so much. If the guy is not always wearing condom, this could mean that he actually don’t care her enough and he is not a good boyfriend. 

In the society which is full of such general opinion, woman who is taking care of her birth control by using Pill is very rare and some tend to receive very harmful and unreasonable discrimination.

“Are you taking Pills? What kind of guy are you dating with?”

“You take Pills, so that you can sleep around with a bunch of guys without trusting them but just for fun.”

Such voices are not entire society’s voice, however it still exists in Japan. Therefore, even though taking Pill doesn’t mean only for birth control but also preventing PMS and other female disease, there are not so much woman who consider starting it.

 

How much do they pay for Pills in Japan?

Another information for you. In Japan, buying Pills are not covered with Insurance. They pay 25euro every month for Pills in Japan, when we pay 20 euro for 3 months in Germany. (*Of course the price could be differ when the type of Pill differs, but just as an example to show) 

In Japan, buying after morning Pills, are not allowed to buy in pharmacy.  They always need to go to see doctors, and such pill costs around 100euro. On the other hand, in Germany, we can buy it in pharmacy and it costs only 30 euro. Because of such economical reason, it is also difficult for woman to start taking Pills.

 

Pill is not a candy, it is a medicine.

Of course talking Pill is not like just eating a candy.  It is a medicine, and it is said to have side effect as well.

Since we don’t have received good education on such topic and living in the community where sex related topic is seen as a taboo, girls are also very afraid of such side effect, because simply we don't know much about it.  She is not yet fully sure of what she will be taking.

So please be kind and take time to research on the topic with her and help her to have enough information, so that she can make good decision, including not start taking Pill as well.

 

Make her feel comfortable, talk to her.

I have explained you both social and economical reasons why taking Pills are not so common in Japan yet.  That is why your girlfriend scares, worries and get anxious when you bring up this topic. If you don’t mean to harm her, so please tell her why you think it is good for her to consider taking it. 

There’re lots of good reason for her health, and for you two’s future planning.

Be honest and be understanding. She is trying the best for you, so please be patience.

 

Need morning after pill? 

If you have not used condom last night, and she got freaked out and researched on this topic to check Morning After Pill, and found this article, then showing this to you now, please go to doctor or pharmacy with her.

She might not be able to explain well in the language, or simply very worried. She will be very comforted if you just tell her that her body is not only her’s but for both of you. 

I will tell you my story.  As you can see, i am very fluent in English. 

I went to pharmacy by myself to go buy a morning after Pill.  I was anyway confident in my language skill and thought i can just go buy it, it is simple. But it wasn’t. 

I was born and grown up in Japanese society, therefore i still don’t feel comfortable to buy something very feminine with men chaser. Even buying a sanitary item, i try to line up at the casher where woman stuff is. 

For me, it was just so uncomfortable to go into the pharmacy where only man pharmacist is. I have walked 1km, only to try and check all the pharmacy i find on the way, checking from window, if there is a woman pharmacist or not. Maybe i was too sensitive, but how about your girlfriend? Why don’t you ask her and see if she can handle by herself or it is just better that you go with her. 

 

Let me ask you again, do you like her?

After reading this article, if you felt that such a sensitive girl is so annoying, then don’t date with her.  

When woman start taking Pills, she has to change her hormone balance and some girls has small side effect, feeling dizzy, headache or stomachache. Taking morning after pill would cause the same. 

Please think about how much she has considered and then decided what. 

Please respect her decision and be supportive. She is very happy to be with you and trust you.  That is why she is showing you this article, wishing you to understand more detail and her complex feeling. 

Love don't need always words, but good understanding needs words.

Liking someone, loving someone, having sex with someone, sometimes we don’t need words.

However, when we are from different culture or have different opinion, we definitely should talk about it. If you are always talking with her in English or in your mother tongue, be aware that your relationship is always on her shoulder. Are you the one who is speaking Japanese to communicate with her? If not, then be patient with her poor language but be there for her.  Take time and try to understand. Way more than the time that you are spending to understand her feeling on this topic, she has spend way more time to learn the language to communicate with you. 

 

International relationship is exciting but sometimes very stressful. 

However, i have a hope that we both can understand each other when we could fully explained and had good communication. Don’t lose your beloved one just because of lack of good communication.

 

Here i am, wishing you both good luck.

 

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女の子へ「自分を守る力磨こう」 予期せぬ妊娠防ぐ知識

著:山田佳奈  2017年12月18日10時26分  配信:朝日新聞デジタル

www.asahi.com

日本においても性教育、知識の普及活動が少しずつ活発になってきているようです。とてもタイムリーですが、本日のスマートニュースで上記のような記事を読むことができました。此方の記事で包括的に性教育の概要を知ることができます。こちらの記事を読んで、改めて「望まない妊娠は女の子の負担が大きい」と思いましたね。どんな決断を下すにしろ、妊娠した後では女性の人生はかなり大きく変わることになります。だからこそ避妊の知識、そして具体的な事情をお伝えしたいと思いました、せめてドイツのことだけでも、私が知っていることだけでも。

特に海外に居住を移した女性であれば、いざ妊娠した場合には情報面や受けられる支援面でも難しい部分があります。ピル服用を促したいことが趣旨ではないことは何度もお伝えしておりますが、今回の記事などで「パートナーとしっかり話し合うこと」また「女の子からも自主的に行動を起こすこと」の大切さが伝わればいいな、と願っております。

日本国内であっても、年齢や性別、もしかしたら地域によっても考え方が異なってくるのですから、国が違えば認識が大きく変わることは自然なことですよね。そんな時に「話し合いの助けになるツールを提示できたら」そんな思いからこの英文を用意しました。「語学力が不十分なのに外国人と恋愛するなんて」と事情を知らない人に何を言われても気にしないでください。何かがきっかけで「この人は本当に素晴らしい人なんだ」って知ることはあるだろうし、それはきっと言葉だけではない時もあるから。それでもちゃんと関係を築くためにはとことん言葉にして話し合う必要が出てくる。日本人お方に英語の指導をした時に「日本人の英語力として、一般的に読解力はあっても、英作文は苦手」なのだと気がつきました。「もしかして、言いたいことは〜ですか?」と相手の真意を汲み取った表現を提示してみると、「あ〜、それが言いたかったんだ!」と、喜ばれることが多かったです。きっと言葉にはしづらい思いがあって、更にそれが外国語だと余計に口にできなくなってしまう。そんな時に、私の表現で気に入ったところがあれば、ぜひ活用してもらえたらと思います。

もし今回の記事がきっかけで外国人のパートナーと話し合いをされる時、きっと私の場合と事情が異なることもあると思います。ヨーロッパ、アジアなど地域の違い、また宗教観の違いなどで意見も変わってくると思うので、彼がどんなバックグラウンドや考え方を持った人なのか、じっくり知る機会になるといいですね。

結局最後は心の問題だと思います。大切な人のことは大切にしたいです。いい話し合いが出来るといいですね。頑張って下さい。

 

www.berlin-fightback.com

こちらの記事で私がドイツで産婦人科に行った話や、実際にドイツ人の彼氏とのやりとりなど、実体験や調べたことをまとめております。宜しければ参考にして下さい。